Bumbling Along

Been awhile since I’ve posted about dating. Because, well, I haven’t dated in awhile. Last summer, around the time of my yoga teacher training, I shut down all of my online dating profiles. I intermittently turned them back on, only to shut them back down again within a month. I went on one lackluster date in October or November and shut down my accounts again.

I opened up a new account on Bumble. “It’s different,” I was assured. “The women contact the men first. It weeds out some of the assholes.”

Eventually I caved.

So I’ve had my Bumble account going for a while. I was never shy about making the first contact on the other websites, so I don’t really find much different, except I don’t get gross contacts from guys.

It is nice to decrease the number of people propositioning me to deflower them or telling me how I’m going to grow old with my cats… (Both of these things have happened to me via online dating.)

But otherwise? Same old, same old. I send a message, and I either never hear from the guy at all or we message a couple of times back and forth and radio silence ensues from there.

I change my pictures to the ones I think are cutest. I’ve changed my profile to range from just the facts to a humorous story of my personal preferences.

Now? I moved into the snarky. I created a profile that consists of the traits that I think guys are swiping left for. (I forgot tattoos. Just added them.)

  • “I only like women with long hair.” — Swipe left
  • “A Ph.D.?! I don’t want to date someone smarter than me!” — Swipe left.
  • “Crazy cat lady.” — Swipe left.

And so on…

I like these traits in me. I don’t even think they are worded negatively in the profile. But I am oh, so sick of playing the online dating game.

I’ve been doing this shit for 8 years, 6 of which actually count. (The divorce was finalized in 2010.) I’ve come to 2 potential conclusions with finding a partner: 1) either there are gods and they are fucking with me or 2) the odds are NOT in my favor…

Anyway, if you know of an intelligent, attractive, funny, active fellow who would be interested in a lady as described in the above left profile, send him my information… I’m not counting on online dating working within the next 8 years either…

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