Calling It Off

goodbye helloCalling things off in dating is tricky business in the world of living daringly. Many will avoid this step altogether by quitting texting, calling, or messaging, never to be heard from again.

“So you want to go grab dinner tomorrow night?”
“…….              …..   ………………….        ………………….”

I’m not one of those people. I’ve had that happen to me, and it feels terrible to contact someone who you’ve seemed to hit it off with and not have them contact you back.


So if I don’t want to see someone who is interested in seeing me again, I make it a point to call things off: in one form or another. Which is more than some.

But I still have a really hard time saying “no, I don’t want to see you again” in the moment.

For example, at the end of a date, if the guy asks, “Do  you want to do this again sometime?” I have a very hard time saying, “I had a really nice time tonight, but I don’t think we are a good match.” Instead I’ll say yes, while my heart is screaming no. When he texts me to set up our next meeting I then have to come clean. But at least I don’t have to do it in person!

Which feels like a complete cop-out.

And it is.

Yes, I do more than some just by giving some sort of closure. But I’m trying to live daringly, which involves being vulnerable and confronting those challenging, awkward moments with wholeheartedness!!! My goal is to be able to give these men the respect they deserve and tell them to their face if I don’t want to see them anymore. 

They deserve my respect, because we shared a connection (or tried to) for at least a little while.

Today I put my money where my mouth is. I had to tell a man at the end of date 4 that I no longer wanted to see him. We had three lovely dates where we connected, the conversation flowed, and we got along very well.

So why am calling things off?

There was no chemistry. No sparks. No butterflies in the stomach. No eager anticipation of his next text…

My heart told me that he is not the romantic partner for me, and I know to listen to that voice that comes from my heart.

We met for lunch today. I wanted to meet him one last time to give those butterflies one more chance to show up. I hoped that a bit of electricity would be there this time. But, they didn’t and it wasn’t. So once we paid our separate bills, I told him. I expressed my interest in remaining friends, because it’s obvious we have a great deal in common. He agreed, so we’ll see if we do end up staying in touch.


Even if we don’t, I’m proud of myself today. I’m proud I recognized a behavior that I want to change, and today I changed it. It felt awkward. I didn’t want to hurt this man, and yet the heart wants what the heart wants. 

It had to be done…

I could have dealt with this by text. But I made a different choice this time. I chose the path of empathy and respect. Doing so, I might have ended up with a good friend. Even if that’s not the case, I’m growing. I’m becoming a better person all the time. 

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