The question has already been asked by various friends:
What are you doing for New Year’s?
Oh, how this single gal hates that question.
I’ve developed a restless peace with singleness as I move into my sixth year of this state of being. Largely, I love my independence. I love being able to leave social situations when I want to leave them. I love putting on my jogging clothes and going for a run whenever I want. I love staying in and painting, writing, making jewelry or mosaics, watching movies, Facebooking, or whatever … without having to consult with another human being. Sometimes I love going out if I want to go without having to consult with another human being.
But then there are times I (desperately?) want to share my life with that particular, special someone. I’ve felt that strong tug when I’ve traveled alone. I’ve felt it on some of those occasions when I take myself out to dinner, for a drink, or to a show when I can’t find someone to join me. I’ve felt it waking up in the morning, snuggling my cat, only to wish I were snuggling a human instead.
And, New Year’s.
That impending kiss at midnight makes New Year’s a couples holiday.
Where I’ve felt very good throughout this holiday season, I’m feeling a little lonely and sad as the new year approaches.
Along with the new year comes six years of being single since I separated from my ex-. Even if I count from the actual divorce, that’s still five years of being on my own.
To put this into perspective, this is five to six years where I haven’t even had a boyfriend. This is 50-60% of the time that I was actually married.
Around this time of year I can’t stop myself from asking “when”?
2015 holds some great adventures for me. Logically I know that I have so many wonderful, special people to share those adventures with. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting that special someone who will be my partner in life and crime. He’ll share those big milestones with me, but we’ll also the special things that lie in the mundane.
So what will I be doing this New Year’s Eve?
I will be staying home, avoiding the happy couples. I will be creating. Maybe I’ll work on my Willow painting that I haven’t finished yet. Or maybe I will create something completely new. I’ll write in my journal. I’ll open up my gratitude jar and remember all of the wonderful things that happened during 2014, and I’ll release all of that positive energy back to the universe. If there’s anything to the Three-fold Law, I’ll get all of that energy back in triplicate. It can’t hurt…