Leave of Absence

Too Much

Today was our 2nd day back. We had a meeting early in the day. Towards the end of it, the retirement benefits guy spoke and I started crying. The irony of talking about saving for retirement when any one of us might die because we have been forced into unsafe working conditions was too much. I sobbed.

Which sounds bad, but that instance helped me make a decision.

Should I stay?

Certainly the possibility of leaving had entered my mind. But it was a possibility that conflicted with a lot of different ideas. A big part of me had hope that the FEA, Orange County, or Pasco County lawsuits would pan out. (They still might.) Until Tuesday I still had a little hope our School Board would do the right thing. They didn’t. And, of course, other schools will open before us, so there’s the chance that our School Board could act in response to that.

Another part of me felt like I should stay. The idea of leaving feels like giving up. It feels like passing the buck to my colleagues and to the students. It feels like I might let down all of those people I’ve rallied, written letters, and had Zoom calls with.

Should I Go?

A lot of that hope disappeared after seeing my classroom yesterday. We’ve been able to maintain social distancing pretty easy with just faculty and staff there, but I’ve been on edge. There have been too many adults with sagging masks or who have been taking them off. When the students come back there will be 1,000 more bodies on campus. In at least one class I’ll have 20 students in my room, and over the course of the day there will be more than 100 students circulating through my room. There’s a sign in my room that says maximum capacity is 21, and that’s under normal conditions. There is no way we can social distance with that many students in the room. And, yes, some of my periods have fewer students, but that won’t really matter considering we will be inside sharing are in 47 minute periods. Then add on that I’ll be teaching and supporting folks virtually at the same time I’m teaching face-to-face. Anytime a virtual student needs help, it means I’m not able to give my attention to the safety of students within the room.

The Hard Decision

Going back yesterday coupled with crying because of the retirement talk made up my mind. I reached out to my Assistant Principal today, because I wanted to give them as much notice as I could. I respect and value the administrators at my school. They try to buffer teachers and other school employees from the BS, and right now they are being asked to put together an impossible puzzle of scheduling. I feel bad about further complicating their already impossible task. But if sitting through a retirement benefits talk drives me to tears in an environment where social distancing is possible, what am I going to be like when there are 1,000 students on campus too?

I feel fortunate my Assistant Principal supports me in my decision. I’ll be working during pre-school next week to make substitute plans. Since the leave of absence is unpaid, the money matters. I know my leaving is not ideal, but I’m glad I can help out a bit in making sure the school year starts a little more smoothly for them and the students.

Conclusions

I can’t come back and teach while it’s so unsafe. My brain can’t change the idea that me going back and teaching science as if nothing else is going on suggests: 1) I’m ok with what is going on. I’m not and 2) I think it’s safe for school employees and students to be there. I don’t. I’m too honest a person to fake those things.

And ultimately what I decided today is the reason I’ve been fighting so hard. It’s the reason I’ve been organizing my peers, rallying, writing letters, speaking at the School Board meeting. I did all of those things so I could go back to work in a way that I feel safe.

But the powers that be both at the state and district level have stuck to their path. And I will add my name to the growing list of school employees who are taking leaves of absence, resigning, or retiring.

On Tuesday, there were ~50 instructional vacancies in Pinellas County. Today there are more than 100, and that doesn’t include mine. I’ll submit my leave of absence paperwork on Monday.

Finding Peace

I’m fully aware I have to do what’s right for me. And because of both my convictions about a safe school reopening as well as valuing my own health and safety, taking this leave of absence is the right thing.

But I also want all of the folks I’ve been organizing with and who have reached out to join us in this fight, that I am not giving up. I will continue to organize. I will continue to offer my support, ideas, and labor for a safe learning environment.

I still believe so strongly in what public is and could be. The way our politicians are treating education and all of the people who help to educate our youth is atrocious. They’ve been on the attack for decades, and they are using Covid to further dismantle public education.

Education is a human right. Not one to be granted solely to those who make a certain amount or look a certain way. Every single person on the planet deserves a good, equitable, robust education, and I will continue to stand with all school employees and students in fighting to make that the best it can be.

(If you are an organizer and want to collaborate or are curious about how we can keep causing good trouble, please reach out to me!! Let’s work together. christy@livingdaringly.com)