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V-day 2015

Damn it, Valentine’s Day. Here you are again. And here I am, still single.  

It’s been five years now, and we’ve continued to meet in this awkward sort of way…

I don’t even really believe in you. You with your hetero-normative, Disney-idealistic, partnered notions of love.

Instead, I believe in a greater, all-encompassing love. You know, that whole Jesus, love your neighbor sort of love. Or, that Buddha-esque, love others and you love yourself sort of love.

So, I sent a Valentine to my aunt.
I treated myself to a token of love and congratulations (for my new job).
I’ve been sending love and light to all of my friends and loved ones, whether they directly know it or not.

Yet that hint of negativity lingers as you approach. A feeling of “less-than-enough” hovers as you near. A longing for what I lack strengthens.

I end up feeling lonely and alone, though I logically know I’m surrounded by love.

But like the others, I get over you. I move on. I reconnect with the joy I feel in creating, educating, living, being…

I forget about you for awhile…

But hope lingers that next year you’ll bring my love, my life partner. The man who will complement me.

And Hope, well, we know he’s just as perilous as you are…

broken heart

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