I think nearly every American adults (and probably a decent number of adolescents) have a number in their mind that, when they see it on a scale, triggers flashing red lights and warning sirens.
One hundred sixty-five pounds is it for me.
The first time I ever remember seeing that weight was when I lived in Okinawa. I wasn’t working out enough. I remember seeing pictures of myself where my face looked … well … more circular then I would have liked.
I’m not sure what I did to slim back down. I don’t remember being particularly active at that time of my life. But through diet and probably at least some activity, I got away from THAT NUMBER.
I saw it again a week or two before Christmas. Ugh. I’ve been seeing certain pictures of myself from different angles that don’t fit how I think of myself. Most of my pants and shorts don’t fit well. But the numbers coupled with pictures and pants don’t lie. I have been getting into a truly unhealthy weight for my size.
Now here’s the part where some of you say,
- “Oh, you look fine.”
- “Well, I’ve got a double chin and love handles and…
- “You’re fine. You ride your bike a lot and are active…”
- Etc…
Please stop. I’m not looking for you to fluff up my ego, nor to minimize yourself. In fact, these sorts of responses minimize my struggle.
- Sure I look fine. Everyone is beautiful in their own wonderful ways. But I’ve still been putting on more pounds than is healthy for me.
- Your concerns about your body don’t negate mine. And mine
don’t negate yours. It ain’t a contest. - I’m probably more active than the average bear, but that doesn’t mean that I can just eat all of the things with no repercussions. Especially since I’m 40 now.
Overall I still love myself with my larger-than-ideal weight. But for
But how did I get to the “weight-that-shall-not-be-named”? Aside from not watching what and how much I eat, poor mental health care has played a role. After the car accident, I went into a pretty good funk. I couldn’t really exercise much because I was hurting (more), and I didn’t want to exacerbate my injuries. And I was overwhelmed from going to doctor appointments all of the time and never truly getting caught up with work. The combination of these things left me feeling very stressed out.
I started coming out of my mental funk around the holidays. Just having time off helped. A little holiday spirit helped too.
Once I started getting my head on straight again, I made some decisions. I re-
Physically, it’s just good for me to do … well … something. It’s not always easy to get out for a bike ride that is long enough to burn a decent amount of calories. I thought about running again, and that thought just … no. I have a pretty strong mental block against starting again, especially since I’d be starting from scratch.
Yes I could do it. I just don’t want to…
In partial impulse and partially in honor of taking care of myself, I bought roller skates.
Not roller blades. Roller skates. They come tomorrow.
I am supremely excited by this! (Aren’t they
You can burn nearly as many calories as running in the same amount of time, but it’s not nearly as bad on the knees. And, who’s ever had a bad time roller skating? I remember going to the rink when I was in middle school. Now, I had a bad time once because I broke up with a boyfriend, but not because of skating!
Now, my relationship with skates was pretty much confined to that period of my life. However, I know I can still do it, because a couple of years ago some friends and I went ice skating in Tampa. I only fell once! And I’ve been YouTubing (Indy Jamma Jones has some great videos) to get ideas and lessons in skating. I’m excited to learn to skate backward, because her video makes it seem really accessible (with practice, of course).
So that’s my plan. Meditation, monitor food intake, ride bikes, and roller skate. Throw some journaling in there for good measure.
Wish me strength in my health goals. (ha!) And if you ever want to ride bikes or go roller skating, hit me up!!