47 miles for 47 years

Backing up

There’s something about when a birthday around. If you’re like me, I’m guessing you have some sense of wanting to do something memorable or special. That could be as simple as taking a walk down memory lane. Maybe it’s dinner with friends and family. Maybe it’s something a bit bigger, like riding your bike 500 miles around the Gaspé Peninsula. (more about the start of that trip here)

A few years back a friend introduced me to “riding your years” for your birthday. This year I gave myself the gift of a couple of days off of work so that I could ride my 47 years on my birthday yesterday. Before the trip, I submitted my request for PTO (paid time off), and I mapped out a route that would take me 47 miles around my city.

A gift

When I say “I gave myself the gift of a couple of days off of work,” I mean it. I’ve been feeling some of the effects of too much work and even burn-out for a few too many weeks. Forgetting things, dropping balls, showing up less-than-prepared for certain events.

As it goes, I didn’t really know how bad this case of burn-out was until I actually took off from work. I had been pushing through the past three weeks, at least, to get to my two extra days off. I had built up a lot of nervous energy that I hadn’t been doing a good job of releasing through my healthy habits: things like making art, journaling, being outside…

Cycling is also one of my healthy release habits, and I’d been doing Ok with sticking with that. But by itself, it wasn’t enough. One good thing about a 47 mile ride is I’d have about 5 hours to mentally and physically work out some of that energy.

The Ride

I was rolling a little after 8:00. I’d done some bike maintenance the day before, so I wouldn’t have to deal with that. I did pack a handlebar bag with some snacks, a Bluetooth speaker, a battery pack, and my phone (gotta track those miles!!). I also had a “trunk bag” on my back rack with my wallet and a book. And i had a pannier with tools and my bike lock. Overall, a light load for a long ride.

The miles went smoothly. Those early miles were all places I’d ridden before, but some that I’d hadn’t been to in a while. Places like the Delgado Memorial Bridge on the Pinellas Bayway. It’s the bridge that crosses over from mainland Pinellas County to Pass-a-Grille Beach. And it’s a doozy. And it felt like a doozy that day. I think I started pedaling too fast, too hard, too early. I thought I was going to have to stop on the way up and take a break, but I kept pedaling. And I made it up without stopping. *And* without going into my granny gear. Whew!! (I later learned that I even PR’d (personal record) the bridge. It *did not* feel like it in the moment.)

I say the miles went smoothly. And physically that’s true. But during these early miles, my brain and gut were buzzing with anxiety and … I don’t even know what else. With thoughts about how I’d recently fucked something up pretty decently. About how I was spending too much on my mountains to coast ride in October. About all of the pieces that weren’t fitting together with … oh … pick an aspect of life. I know I am incredibly blessed with my life. Even in the hard times I know that’s there. And, it’s also challenging not to “keep up with the Jones’s” when thinking about what success is supposed to mean in American society. Isn’t it supposed to be a clean house? One where the laundry gets put away in a timely fashion? Where there isn’t cat hair everywhere? …

Buzz … buzz … buzz …

In my brain and in my gut.

I’ll tell you something though: While climbing up that bridge, I wasn’t thinking about any of that. Well, just for a second, when I almost stopped. When tears bounced into my eyes as the thought “here you are fucking up again” made a little visit. But then I put my body back to work to push my way to the top of that bridge.

A Little Rest on the Ride

After crossing over to Pass-a-Grille, my ride turned north along the Beaches. Bike lanes are pretty consistent along there, so it was pretty smooth riding.

I decided to stop for brunch in Madeira Beach before turning back on to mainland Pinellas County, about 20 miles into my ride. I stopped at The Reef, if you’re interested. They had crab cakes egg’s Benedict! One of my favorites, if done right. And theirs was pretty good. Eggs just a little bit over poached, but the flavor of the crab cakes and the hollandaise were on point. I also ordered *all* of the beverages: water, coffee, and an orange juice. And, yes, I drank all of them. They were refreshing and delicious!

While sitting, waiting, and eating I read more of T. Thorn Coyle‘s book Resistance Matters. The essay waiting for me was titled: “IN NEED OF BEAUTY”. Here’s the first bit of it…

“Right now, I feel tired. Not tired of everything, mind you. But tired of important topics. Tired of news cycles. Tired of in-fighting. Tired of politics. Tired of hustle. Tired of fascism. Tired of inequity. Tired of police killings. Tired of murders. Tired of oppression. Tired of racism. Tired of sexism. Tired of transmisogyny. Tired of the litanies of hopelessness, hatred, and fear that scroll across my Facebook and Twitter feeds. …”

T. Thorn Coyle

There I am, sitting on the restaurant patio, sipping my many drinks, and there come the tears. Threatening.

I’d already cried in public once this week. Couldn’t we leave it at that??

Those tears didn’t end up rolling, saving me from a second episode of public crying this week, but they sat balanced on the edge of my eyelids: a reminder and validation of all of the emotions and energy that had been building up leading up to my day off.

I read more as I brunched, and each essay seemed to be directly pointed at me, at this particular moment in my life. I guess good writing is like that. I guess paying attention to the moment is like that too.

By the time I’d finished my eggs Benedict and drinks, I was feeling a little better. A little more grounded. Still buzzing, but less so.

27 miles to go!!

The Last Half(ish)

The first 20 miles felt really smooth, big bridge aside. In transparency, I have a normal 25 mile loop I ride a couple of times a week. So I’m glad those first miles felt good.

Now I had to cross back over to mainland, which meant another bridge. It also meant riding with traffic, because there was no bike lane.

The bridge was a drawbridge, and it was up when I got to it. So I lined up behind a pickup truck, waiting my turn. The bridge wasn’t super steep, though it had grating, which is always daunting for cyclists to ride on. I crossed fine. And drivers were going well around me in the other land. I did have to get in the left lane, and no one was really giving me a window to enter as I looked over my shoulder and signaled. I signaled more fervently, and finally, someone let me in. No real problems.

Smooth sailing to and on the Pinellas Trail.

I turned off on 30th Ave N, and I met my first real headwind. I’ll take hills over headwind. But as I grinded along 30th, pushing against that headwind, I noticed I wasn’t feeling as … buzzy … as before. At different points during my ride, I repeated “I release all that doesn’t serve me,” “I release this unwanted and unhelpful anxious energy,” things like that. Using my body to transform and release this energy that had stuck to me over the weeks. And I get you might not believe that “New Age hooey,” but I was feeling better.

And as could be expected, I was also feeling tired. My arms were definitely fatigued. Yes, they’re up on the handlebars not doing a whole lot, but they still get tired after riding for 4+ hours. I also had a weird crampy thing going on with my right foot, right where the ball and arch meet.

I stopped for a few minutes at Coffee Pot Park to rest and hydrate a little more fully. Then continued on the last bit of my ride.

Oh, the above picture reminded me!! I made sure to wear my “Don’t Run Me Over” bike jersey, since I knew I’d be riding places where I’d have to interact with cars.* I love it, and I get complements on it. Below is a picture of the front and back (stock photos from their website).

*If you aren’t aware, bikes are *supposed to and allowed to* be in the road and ride like a car drives. If there’s a bike lane, we are supposed to use it, but even then, there might be debris or something that keeps us from using the bike lane. Bikes are allowed to and supposed to be in the lane. It makes us more visible than riding the curb of the road or crossing driveways and whatnot on the sidewalk. This is the *law* in most places in the U.S. So slow the fuck down, go around when it’s safe, you’ll be fine.

In the Home Stretch

I’d biked about 34 miles when I reached Coffee Pot Park. 13 miles to go!!

My arms and my foot were my only real physical complaints. Mostly the miles rolled by pretty easy. When I was going down 40th Ave NE, cars were passing me closer than they had anywhere else. It was a two-lane road with a turn lane in the middle. Plenty of room for them to fully go around me. Anyhoo… No one ran me over.

I was riding the route that I planned pretty much from memory, though I did check the map a time or two. But being tired and in familiar territory, I forgot a little “jog” back down the Pinellas Trail that would have added some miles need for me to reach my 47 miles. When I got back to my neighborhood, I realized I was 1.5 miles short. So I did some laps around my neighborhood blocks to make up the distance. And I rolled into my driveway with 47.07 miles for the day.

It’s rather amazing how much dirt you pick up from riding. And I *always* pick up some grease from something on my bike. I don’t even know how most of the time.

Arriving back home at around 2:00, I felt good. Like I’d accomplished something. Like I’d worked some things out. Tired? Sure. But not overly so. Though I did still take a decently long nap once I got settled in.

Closing Out

So, the ride was good. And much needed.

After 47 years, I wish I was better at maintaining the habits that keep me mentally (and physically) healthy. Since January, I’ve been doing better with the physical part. I’m still on pace to reach 2025 miles in 2025, as far as biking goes. I’ve also started lifting weights a bit. Going to the chiropractor has helped me a ton with pain I had carried for far too long.

But things like meditation? Journaling? Spending a good amount of time in nature. Even creating art, aside from my daily drawings. I’ve been stalled out on those things. And I need all of it to stay healthy. I *do* know that. And it’s hard to balance it all with work and household work.

I guess all I can do is keep rebooting when I realize I’ve gone astray again. Take the time off, which I am privileged to have in a society where many people don’t get paid days off. Protect the day-to-day time to continue the habits that help keep me healthy.

And how about you? What do you do to stay sane in this crazy world? How are you doing with all that is going on?

One More Thing:

So it’s my birthday. If you appreciated this post or any of my other blog posts. Or maybe you really like the art I make. Or maybe you follow my daily drawings on Instagram. Maybe you’d like to buy me a beer or a cup of coffee. This will help me keep doing all of these things and make it more sustainable. My different payment app information is below, if you feel called and if it isn’t a financial burden for you:

Venmo – @livingdaringly
Cashapp – $livingdaringly
Zelle – christymfoust@gmail.com