Always & Never Enough

“Advocate”: (according to Merriam-Webster)
1) One who pleads the cause of another
2) One who maintains a cause or proposal
3) One who supports or promotes the interests of a cause or a group.

Today I’ve gotten to do a variety of this.

1) I advocated for a student. Some sort of kerfluffle happened at the beginning of Period 6. I sent all students who were out of their seats out of the room. An adjoining teacher called for security. SRO (Student Resource Officers, i.e. people with guns) came, among others. I spoke with the people outside, got them calmed a bit, started sending them back in. One of the instigators was still inside. One of the security adults (not SRO) called this student out and pulled the student out of class. After school, I advocated to make sure the student wasn’t unduly punished. For my purposes, the student was out of their seat and causing mischief with their peers. Meh. I’ve seen and experienced worse. So I advocated that he solely be given the punishment of writing apologies to the people who he was causing mischief with and me for the disturbance that was caused. As opposed to and in-school, or otherwise, suspension. Everything is going to be alright.

2) I advocated for a homeless man sitting on picnic tables across from the outdoor bar where I was having a drink. I offered to buy him a soda and did. Then the women sitting next to me started bashing homeless people as lazy and … I replied, “It’s not as easy as all that.” The one woman continued on. I replied, “We’re all a paycheck away from where he is.” The woman’s friend supported my ideas. Soon after they left. I looked over, and the man was gone, leaving behind his water and Coke. I looked back a little later and he was back. Later again, both he and the drink glasses were gone.

3) Soon after buying the homeless man a soda, a drunken man walked up to the bar. He was trying to get his group to join him in a drink. They continued on, but he persisted. He wanted a shot. He chose the Jameson Caskmates. Nearly a $10 shot. I told him if he took a shot of that I would smack him. (jokingly of course) This threat did not dissuade him from drinking this fine, smooth whiskey in one fell swoop. I attempted to advocate for fine whiskey, but alas, failed. The gentleman and I were able to fistbump before he left, nonetheless.

4) I advocated for a homeless man settling in under an awning on 1st Ave North and 3rd Street North. As I crossed the street, a police SUV slowed and stopped. The Officer flipped on its spotlight and directed it to the homeless man’s face before exiting the vehicle. He put the light right in the homeless man’s face. When the Officer approached the man, he shone his light right in his face again. I finally realized this was going to be an even that lasted, and I grabbed my camera and started videoing. The Officer asked the man for ID. The man had trouble finding it in his bags. Finally he found it. The Officer returned to his car again. I approached the homeless man, let him know I was videoing. Letting him know I wanted him to be safe, as much as I could. The man, knowing he had someone who had his back a bit, approached the Officer in the car, asking if he was good-to-go. After a bit longer, the Officer finally returned the man’s ID, told him not to hang out in that particular place anymore, and then rolled away. I made sure the man was Ok-ish, and that the Officer was truly leaving. Then I walked home too. At some point, I started crying.

5) I advocated for a woman who was killed while cycling by a person driving an SUV. She was riding across a crosswalk. I put out a call to wear white to the next Critical Mass ride on September 27. In St. Pete, we roll from William’s Park at 7:30 p.m. I asked that we hold a moment of silence at the crosswalk she was killed at. Perhaps we’ll drop flowers in remembrance of her and all the others lost to avoidable car accidents.

Some reading this my say, “Wow, thank you. You did a great job speaking up for those people. You’re amazing.” (If you think I’m just tooting my own horn, people do post things like this to me.)

Walking home, with the tears in my eyes, I don’t feel powerful. I feel like a piece of shit.

For the student, I think I did avoid him being disciplined excessively. Yay. Go me.

For the others, my main thought is: “That’s all you can do?” Buy a fucking soda? Video a cop who might turn into a dickhead? Ask people to wear white on a bike ride?

None of it feels like enough. None of it.

With that, I think I’ll let Chasing Lovely finish out the post. They echo my sentiments perfectly.