In the summer of 1992, I was able to go on a trip to Andros Island in the Bahamas with one of my school’s biology teachers (Mrs. Fry) and other students from my and nearby schools (there were four of us total). We rope-swung into a bluehole to swin and got to meet folks who lived on the island. (One woman we met had a goiter the size of a softball. I’m not exaggerating.) We left our dorms and went star gazing. (The chaperones ended up accompanying we wiley teenagers.) We stayed in dorms down there. Snorkeled, learned to ID some fish species, hung out with students who were there from a school in Pennsylvania. It was a wonderful experience. Certainly mind-broadening for a middle-class white girl from northwest Ohio.
When I got home, I had stories to tell. I also had a “rash” on my hands. Little fluid filled “blisters” lined my fingers. My doctor thought there were an allergic reaction to something I came in contact with on the island. Some plant. He gave me an ointment. Eventually they went away.
Fast forward 10ish years. I’m married, living on Okinawa. Hand bumps. Then I was working retail, which involves counting money. The Navy doctors thought it was an allergic reaction to nickel. More ointment.
But the bumps started happening more often. The ointment didn’t seem to work.
The bumps were never really that big of a deal. Itchy. Uncomfortable. But they didn’t impede the movement of my hands really. Still, having red, angry hands that ultimately get all flaky when they are healing isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time.
I should mention that my marriage wasn’t the healthiest nor happiest. That might not seem relevant, but maybe it is.
Fast forward more years. The bumps were nearly always present at some level of another.
Then, in 2009, I separated from my now ex-. The divorce was finalized in early 2010.
No bumps. And no bumps to mention for a long time…
Now, I can’t say that the time after the divorce was stress free. I will say that for 5 years after it I was in counseling trying to heal from both marital and pre-marital trauma. And I still go back to counseling if I notice I’m in a funk for more than a couple of weeks.
Fast forward to now. Since I moved in the house, the bumps have been back in force. So much so I did some Googling and finally found out what the doctors didn’t tell me before: the bumps have a name. Dishydrosis. A type of eczema. They can be psychosomatically induced (i.e. stress can cause them).
Now starting a new job and buying a house within a short time span (March and May of this year, respectively) is plenty stressful, so it would make sense that could trigger them.
But for the last month or so, I’ve been much more at peace. I have a good flow with my job. I’m still working on house stuff (which has been financially stressful), but it’s coming together and I feel more and more at home. So it doesn’t feel right that those two things are triggering the hand bumps.
Instead, you know what I think it is? Yard work. My own sweat. I think it’s gone from a psychosomatic thing for me to one that’s triggered because I’m working with my hands more. (Even with gloves on.)
For some reason, that’s a relief to me. Once upon a time I had a hard time believing that stress could cause such a visible physical response. Learning that my affliction had a name and that it can be linked to stress was a relief. I wish someone had told me earlier.
And now, maybe I will still get those bumps because of stress sometimes. But in the meantime, it feels good that it’s not that. It’s just the physical aspects of working with my hands bringing them out. Still not 100% “normal,” but with stress being the norm for so long it feels reassuring to be entering a different phase of being.
Maybe I’ll go back to the doc to see if they have an ointment that might actually help nowadays.