Changing Names

Yesterday the title of my name changed for the third time.

Technically it will officially change in December, at the end of the semester. After 5+ years, close enough.

The first time, I changed it for love. At twenty-one years old I changed it from Miss to Mrs. I even changed my last name, though I wasn’t completely sure that was the right thing for me. I was a little lost then, but certainly I would find myself within a loving marriage.

Little did I know…

The second time I changed it because love broke. I changed it from Mrs. to Ms. Some people keep their married name after a divorce. I consciously and forcefully changed mine back to my birth name. I wanted to break that connection with my past. Only after my divorce did I begin to realize that my relationship let me lose myself a little more.

Only after the divorce did I begin the process of finding myself again.

Now I’m changing my title because of my dreams and goals: from Ms. to Dr. Those letters mean that I’m the expert in … well … something.

Maybe I am.

The title is an indication of my work as a scientist, but it’s also an emblem on the research and work I’ve accomplished on myself.

It’s a badge that symbolizes taking care of myself and my goals.

This Ph.D. thing hasn’t always been easy. There have been times I’ve very seriously thought of quitting. Very seriously. But I consciously made a choice. I stayed. I fought for this. I haven’t always loved it, but I stayed.

I am realizing my goal, and it’s taken me where I should be.

It hasn’t always felt like “something.” Now that I’m near the end, it does.

There are a million ways to be successful. I could show you a handful of the ways that I feel that I am. I could show you a thousand ways my friends and family are. But this is one of those big milestones. Weddings, houses, births, deaths… It’s on par with those.

I’m feeling proud of my rather big accomplishment.

I’m looking forward to my new name.