I’m still working through the komono category of the KonMari method of tidying. Komono essentially means miscellaneous. Think of all of the things that aren’t clothes, books, paper, or sentimental and that’s what I’m sorting through now. My biggest hurdles have been my workbench and my craft drawers, and I’ve mostly finished them. Just a couple of misplaced things.
But…
- The kitchen and bathroom await.
- Then there’s all of the stuff I’m going to donate. It’s sitting in my living room.
- Dust kitties, analogous to dust bunnies, have been roaming freely across the apartment savanna.Vacuuming seems silly right now, I’m just going to have to do it again in a microsecond.
- Equipment from my part-time job has come for a visit in my living room.
All-in-all, the apartment feels messy. Very messy.
As they say, it’s darkest before the dawn. Right now my apartment is a mess. It feels very unsettled. It feels frustrating too, because I want it all to be done and in its place. I want the final product without the work…
In Marie Kondo’s book, she tells you to bring all of the things from the different categories out and pile them up. I think it’s important to do this. It’s important to to see and process the sheer volume of stuff. To see all of the things I’ve bought over the years and held onto, for a variety of reasons, that cease to bring me joy.
Certain life experiences have caused me to believe in certain metaphysical ideas. One of those is the metaphysical idea of energy. For a long time I was feeling stuck in a physical and energetic sense. The meditation retreat I went to over Memorial Day weekend helped me get partially unstuck. I think it started the process of moving that blocked energy, but by itself I probably would have started my same old patterns of closing up and blocking myself off.
Physically moving out things that no longer serve has continued the process of moving that blocked energy. Shredding divorce papers, donating college textbooks, donating clothes that don’t fit or that I’ve been saving for that super special occasion are all forms of kinetic energy that have helped me let go of the negative energy from my divorce, past experiences in general, and expectations about what my body should look like.
And I feel the change. Energetically. Not so long ago, I was at one of the lower points in my life. I felt extremely unhappy. I was on the verge of snapping at people all of the time, and sometimes I went past the verge. Since the meditation retreat and because of the work I’ve been doing in counseling and at home, I feel different. Lighter. Higher. More open. More flexible.
While I’ve only been feeling this way a few weeks, I hope I can maintain it. I hope I can keep doing the work that allows me to feel more fully myself.