This is the main question that drives whether you keep something or toss it in the KonMari method of tidying. I’m still working my way through the komono category (i.e. miscellaneous items) of the method.
As I see my living space transform in front of me, I wonder if it’s affecting other areas of my life.
Because that question, “Does it bring me joy?” is a really powerful one.
One pattern in my life is sticking with hard things to the bitter end. This pattern has been a point of focus lately, since I just wrote about it in recent history. But the story goes, I commit to something, it’s painful in some way. Sometimes physically, sometimes mentally, oftentimes both. But I put my nose to the grindstone, and I do the thing
I slogged through: playing football in middle school, the majority of my marriage, my Ph.D., my bicycle trip in Canada, a shorter bicycle trip I took a few weeks ago, certain relationships with people that I felt I just had to give one more chance…
Today a thing happened. As it unfolded, I kept my heart open, as I’ve been practicing during meditation and in counseling. I paused. I realized I couldn’t be helpful with the “thing.” I also realized it wasn’t bringing me joy. I felt extremely calm and clear. I took a few breaths. I heard my heart tell me to go home.
I’ve been thinking about it since. Was I just avoiding the situation and escaping instead? I don’t think so.
- 1) Avoidance and escaping aren’t my normal pattern. Normally I will stick with a situation hell or high-water.
- 2) I explained why I was leaving to someone before exiting. I wanted them to know my motivation and that it wasn’t about them. I didn’t avoid.
- 3) If I had stayed, I might have eventually been pushed to that point where it is difficult for me to back away. Better to excuse myself while I’m calm and in control of myself, than getting out of control.
In hindsight, I’m confident I did the right thing for the right reasons. I took a different path than is normal for me. Instead of the path of defensiveness and anger, I took the path of peace, reflection, and removing myself from a less-than-desirable situation instead of pushing, bull-headed through it.
In regards to the above meme, my choice supported my truth and love in that I didn’t think I could positively contribute to the situation, so I left so that everyone else could have a nice, productive time. It supported my health and happiness, because I chose joy over a stressful situation. And wisdom supported the whole thing, because I listened to my heart to make the decision in the first place.
Maybe in the future I’ll be able to remain open-hearted enough to remain in the situation without feeling yucky about it. But in the mean time, realizing that I needed to remove myself from the situation is a powerful move for me. And I’m proud of myself for making that move.