For the past two months, I set the goal to finish the below painting. I’ve barely touched it during that time.
Why?
Honestly, fear.
This 30×30″ mixed media canvas started as a project from Tracy Verdugo‘s Paint Mojo class. Over the course of six weeks, she shares different techniques and you work on one canvas. I did get to week six, but in that week I also got stuck. I started in a direction with the painting, but didn’t know how to take it all the way to where I’d like to see it.
So it’s been sitting … unworked on for about 60 days now. Longer than the 6-week class!!
Fear of what?
Fear of messing it up. Fear of it looking “stupid.” Fear of wasting time and energy. Oh, I don’t know what else.
Moving forward
I’ve been busy with my full-time work, so it’s pulled my energy that way lately. But during June, I did have a mental epiphany: I could give up my vision of this being an artwork featuring an octopus. I could start playing again, like I was at the beginning of the 6-week process. Maybe the octopus will stay, but maybe it will get lost and covered. Who cares?!
I guess for three months or so, I have. But why let that get in the way of my creative process?
Part of what living daringly is to me is returning to “beginner’s mind.” “Beginner’s mind” is an idea from Zen Buddhism that we go into every new experience with open-mindedness and eagerness, accepting all possibilities that could come from that experience. Including failure, and not getting discouraged by “failure.” Instead, perceiving it as a learning opportunity.
A week or so ago, I realized that me focusing on an idealized version of whatever this piece is and will be is not getting it any closer to being finished. I might as well return to the beginner’s mind, both literally and figuratively. Literally, in that, I can start the creative process over, “erasing” or painting over some portions and moving forward fresh. Figuratively, in being Ok with that and with whatever the art piece ends up being!!
I don’t create realistic art pieces, and with good reason! A few good reasons, in fact. (Perhaps another blog post on that in the future.) So might as well embrace the play!!
July Goal
So my goal for July is to *finish* this damn art piece!! It may look 100% different, or there might be parts of the piece as it is now that make it through to the end. I’m looking forward to sharing both the process and the final piece by the end of the month!!
Closing Out
Have you had a similar experience of getting stuck on a project and either stopping completely or redirecting it? How did you feel? How did you handle it? I’d love to learn your story in the comments!!
Until next time, I wish you:
Kind thoughts,
Kind words, and
Kind actions, intentions, and revolutionary love
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