Focus

We’re only two days into 2019, but from my little piece of the world they feel good. Restful, fresh, active, refreshing, renewing… Focusing…

I finally watched Black Panther on New Year’s Eve. I don’t think I can watch superhero movies anymore. I end up crying at the end, because I so want a superhero to come and help us out with all of our bullshit. I want Wakanda to come save the day. Of course, I guess there’s always been that part of me that wanted fiction to become reality. After reading the Chronicles of Narnia, I sat in the back of my pressboard wardrobe from Sears or the like hoping and wishing it would open for me. Never happened…

While watching Black Panther, I worked on a mouse pad to accompany my new desk. The desk is antique (likely), and it has some weird hardware where I use my mouse. I don’t want to remove the hardware. I was going to buy a mouse, but after some perusing on Etsy and seeing folks selling leather mouse pads I was inspired. I have a ton of leather I haven’t crafted into things yet. So the mandala was born.

I love the symbolism of working on a mandala on New Year’s Eve. From what I understand, a mandala is a representation of the universe in Hinduism and Buddhism. So I was literally creating my own universe in celebration of the new year. It’s not completely symmetrical. There are some things that look wonky to me. But it’s beautiful, and it’s mine.

I was in bed by midnight as far as ringing in the New Year goes. But before I went to bed, I shaved my head. I was nervous, so I started with the longest clipper guide (8 – 1″). That was too long, so I started going shorter and shorter. I ended up with the 3 clipper guide (3/8″). I didn’t want to go shorter than that.

As I got closer to the length I wanted, I couldn’t help but grin as I slid the clippers over my head. I hopped in the shower to get all of the loose hairs off. There were a lot!! My hair was already short, and I had clipped my undercut just a few days before. But there was still SO MUCH HAIR!

When I looked at myself in the mirror when I got out of the shower, I smiled. It was me, but different. I noticed my hairline is weird. Oh well. Nothing to be done now!

I love how it feels when I run my hand over my head. Wearing a hat feels different too. Like I can feel where all of the hairs are getting mashed down. When I wear a hat, as I often did before I buzzed it, I now feel like I have a little secret from everyone.

I’m nervous how my students and coworkers will respond to the new do, but they’ll get over it.

Aside from the buzz cut, I’ve been acclimating to the New Year with mindful actions. One of my goals for the month is to meditate every day. I’m two-for-two as of today.

Yesterday, I went for a walk down to North Shore Beach and waded in the water. I walked barefoot back to my apartment as far as I could until I ran out of grassy patches.

Today I rode my bike 11 miles. I stopped at a small park and talked with some folks there for a few minutes

Late in 2018 I bought a bonsai tree. He’s still kicking, but a couple of months ago he got a fungal infection. Some sort of rust. I bought some stuff and sprayed him down. He lost a lot of leaves. I wasn’t sure he’d make it. Then overnight, leaves start popping out everywhere! This is what he looked like yesterday. I look at him every day to determine if he needs water. He didn’t look this lush on 12/31. Apparently, he knew it was the new year and to kick out of his funk. So glad he made it.

Four-ish more days until school starts back up. I’m feeling more ready than I did. This semester should be easier. More breaks. No car accident (fingers crossed on that one!).

Some folks have asked what my ‘word’ for 2019 is. It is nice to have something to aim for.

Maybe my word has to do with that. Focus. I’ve been feeling a bit lost lately. Not sure if I’m living in the right place. Not sure if I’m in my best fit for a job. Not sure of my place in the world.

Focus.

On what’s important.

That’ll do.