I Am Not an Angry Girl

I don’t know completely how others think of me. But one of the words I use to describe myself when I’m being kind is ‘passionate.’

When I’m not being so nice it becomes ‘hot-headed’ or ‘disagreeable’ or ‘troublemaker.’

I’ve written about this before. Go figure…

One of my foibles is passion. I’m energetic when I talk. I use my hands a lot.

Too, I’m passionate about justice and equity. If I see a problem, I tend to voice it.

Coupled with these things, if I start to get flustered, the passion gets amplified. Usually I end up speaking louder. Not on purpose, but because the energy needs to go out.

And then the directives start flying:

• Calm down.
• Stop being rude.
• Shhhh!!
• Don’t get angry

All of which send me to a very insecure place. All of which make my emotions feel very big, but make it seem that people would prefer they remain very small. Or at least tucked away, out of sight.

Ani Difranco puts it into very relatable terms:

I am not an angry girl
But it seems like I’ve got everyone fooled
Every time I say something they find hard to hear
They chalk it up to my anger
And never to their own fear

While in theory I’m entitled to my emotions, and my personality quirks should be embraced (within reason), society isn’t always a friend to those who show emotion in public ways.

In general, I want to communicate to build understanding in those tense, emotional moments. Instead, I end up feeling pretty isolated. I’m guessing the other party(ies) do too.

So how to marry the two? Living authentically while expressing oneself in a way that doesn’t drive people away?

Is there a way to practice? Because I seem to repeat the same cycles over and over. I know I have made progress with this. For anyone who knew me in my teens, twenties, and now, you know that’s true! But I’ve been feeling stuck.

How do you learn to stay calm in the heat of a stressful situation? It’s hard to practice it when it only comes up once in a while (thank goodness). It’s easy to get swept away in the heat of the moment.

And suppressing the emotion isn’t healthy either. Here are some reasons why.

But too, how can we get society to be Ok with the expression of emotion (in healthy ways)?

Still figuring out the answers to these…

Works in progress, as usual. These are ones I’m sick of revisiting though…