I haven’t written much lately. Starting at a new school, learning a new curriculum … well … I’m trying to rebalance.
I’m sort of getting into a work flow. I’m still working too much outside of school right now. Teaching a new-to-me class does it every time. The first time you teach something it just takes a lot longer to prepare. It just is that way. But I’m making good use of time at work. I’m not messing around on Facebook during breaks. I’m not getting sidetracked with side conversations.
Although on that front, I haven’t been meeting much with most of the other members of my new department. I do want to remedy that. Building relationships is important.
Mostly I see my two corner mates for a few minutes in between classes. We get a few minutes to chat, so that’s nice. And honestly, you can talk about a lot and get a lot done in 5 minutes if necessary!!
I’ve got a cold already, so that’s a bummer. It’s not sapping my energy too much. And since we only had a three-day work week this week, I haven’t had to plan too much in the evening. I’ve been going to be at 9:30, so rest hasn’t been too much of a problem.
4:30 still comes too early.
I’ve been staying strong with meditation. On the mornings I do sleep in, I do meditation before bed. Usually a writing meditation instead of a sitting one, but I’m still doing it. I’ve been maintaining that habit for months now.
Still working on a healthier relationship with food. I had lofty goals before school started. I’ve partially been sticking with them, but I also get these crazy cravings for snacks. Since I’m moving my ego (or basic self or whatever) away from basic attachments, I feel like it’s my ego’s last grab to keep a little control over things. Pointing me in the direction of “needing” unhealthy snacks, or eating when I’m not really hungry.
I’ll pull away from that attachment too. I think cycle commuting to work will help.
A friend posted the above meme on Facebook, which got me thinking about my own title. Right now, I think it’s “Integration.”
Earlier this year, I was struggling. That struggle became apparent to me a good six months before that, but I thought I could get it under control. I finally realized I couldn’t on my own. (more about my realization here) So I started going to counseling again.
Fast forward to May, when I attended a meditation retreat for an entire weekend. I came home from that retreat feeling light and full of energy. It was truly transformational.
That transformation has continued to unfold as I began a new job in a more supportive environment than where I was before. It’s unfolded as I set boundaries with certain things that don’t serve me. It’s unfolded as I relax for situations that I’ve tried to force my way into.
Integration. All the different parts of my life are coming together. I’m prioritizing time to pursue my passions. I’m making room to be my whole self at work. Since I’m in a good head space right now, it’s easier to be my best self with people. If I feel myself getting away from that, I give myself permission to ask for a break to process and meet with the person later to talk about whatever’s going on.
41-years-old and it feels like it’s all coming together. Finally! I’ve been working hard for the last 10+ years for this. It’s nice to look behind me and see the burden I’ve been carrying. Now I feel like I’ve got a backpack of things to work on. It’s still a pretty heavy backpack, but it’s not boulders. And with a lighter load, I can better help the world than if I’m loaded down.
Everything’s connected. My personal integration allows me to better integrate with the broader world.
Trying to spread the love all over.