Day 7 back. More tears. (5 / 7 for those counting.)
Today was my last day before my leave of absence starts. Monday will be a weird day.
I finished up sub plans for that first week of school. I shared them with my Assistant Principal, who may be covering the classes I’m leaving behind. Or she’ll share them with whoever else might fill in.
At one point our Plant Operators (i.e. Custodians in other places) came and told me I had too many chairs in my room. There were 42, and I agreed. I told them I’d stack up the extras. I didn’t have a lot to finish up, and I figured moving chairs to the storage room would kill time.
They came in a bit later and put up plexiglass barriers. While assembling them, one of the Plant Operators broke one. They are that flimsy. He fixed it with some masking tape I had. I give the dividers a week until all of them are broken in some way. Plus, it’s an airborne virus. So…….
In addition to finalizing and sharing my sub plans, I wrote e-mails. I wrote personal e-mails to my Principal and Assistant Principal. Both of them really seem to have their hearts in the right places in dealing both with students and families as well as school employees. The school I came worked in before this school had a really toxic work environment. Teachers were fearful. Retaliation was meted out for complaints and for perceived wrongs. Relationships were two-faced, and you never knew which one you would meet. The administrators at my current school weren’t like that. And it felt like it. Not that all things were perfect, but we were treated like humans. And that matters so much. I wanted them to know.
And I cried while writing each of those e-mails. It’s not fair all of this is piled upon them as well as the rest of the school employees. And I’m sad to be leaving a place where I’ve felt more at home at work than I had in a long time.
I also sent an e-mail out to the whole faculty, sharing my e-mail with those who might want to reach out. I conveyed that I’d still be organizing around safe schools during the leave, so I hope to hear from folks who want to get more involved in that work.
Once I started crying, I found it hard to stop. At the end of the day I had to turn in my keys and laptop. I also had to get my shit together to drop those things off so I wasn’t blubbering while doing. I did some deep breathing outside of the office before entering. I was able to conduct the business at hand without sobbing.
And then I left.
While walking out the tears came again. I reminded myself this was the right thing. Between feeling unsafe and knowing it isn’t right for anyone to force us into this unsafe environment, I just couldn’t go back. But that doesn’t mean the decision is easy. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy.
I really don’t know what’s in store for the future. I know I’ll get paid for the seven days I worked and 16 sick days I’ve accumulated.
After that? We’ll see where life takes me. But today I took a step into the unknown.