I went on date #2 with a man on Monday. It ended, well honestly, badly. (more here)
It started off well enough. We had a nice conversation over a bottle of wine and a baguette on Spa Beach. After our wine and snack, we went for a walk.
After we talked a bit, he asked me what I was looking for in a relationship. Being an honest, open-hearted person, I answered.
As I spoke, I was thinking to a future more distant than the conversation I was having. I described my ideal relationship. I described things I wanted.
Then the back-peddling started…
- “Oh…” “
- “I am just looking for friends.”
- “I’m only a year out from my divorce.”
I tried to explain that my description wasn’t meant to put pressure on him, but that ultimately if we hit it off I would like the option of a relationship on the table.
- “I have two kids.”
- “My divorce was only a year ago.”
That stinks. It sounds like our timing is off. I like you. You say you like me. But if the possibility of a relationship is off the table, this isn’t going to work.
I walked home alone, and as I did so I began to feel really good.
The next day, he texted me. He apologized for being hurtful and said it certainly wasn’t purposeful. We texted back and forth about the conversation that escalated so quickly.
He suggested that he still wanted to see me.
He said he still had two bottles of wine, and I might as well be the one to help him drink them.
- “You might as well be the one to help him drink them.”
That sentence really irked me. Considering I do want to find a loving, long-lasting relationship with a man, that sentence is the epitome of what I don’t want.
Instead, what I want is someone who would say, “I have two bottles of wine, and I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to share them with.”
I don’t want to be someone’s consolation prize. I don’t want to be filler. I don’t want to be the knight in shining armor to save someone, while chafing under the armor and needing someone to massage my wounds.
“I might as well be the one…”
Not this time. This time, I might as well be the one who knows what she wants and calls things off.
I might as well enjoy my singledom until someone who fully appreciates my awesomeness comes along.
Until someone who will fight for me comes along.
I almost want to cry. I am not dating, don’t want to right now. If I get there, and I might, I have also learned that I will never ever again be the, “might as well” one that started my marriage. Never.
Dating is definitely frustrating. I’ve been single for approximately 7 years now. So when I do hit it off with a guy, it’s frustrating to have this sort of thing happen. But I’m definitely not settling for “might as well” either. The conversation that sparked these two blog posts happened unexpectedly and early, but I’m sort of glad they did happen early. Better to find out a person is emotionally unavailable then than when you really start to get attached.
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