Scattered Words

My cousin was killed Saturday in a triple homicide. My aunt contacted me today to tell me the news.

I’ve spent the better part of today trying to wrap my brain around it.

Murdered.

She was 42. Her husband, 47. The other young man who was killed was 22.

Too damn young.

I’m so extremely saddened by this. My heart has been physically aching all day. All I’ve wanted to do is sleep.

I can’t say we were super close. At the same time we’ve remained friendly and have kept in touch through Facebook regularly.

The last I heard from her, she and my aunt were coming for a visit at the end of March. They were going to go to Cirque de Soleil, and we were going to get together for dinner somewhere to catch up.

Not anymore…

A lot of the details of what happened haven’t been released. Some details have been passed on to me, and I almost wish I didn’t know them.

Senseless.

That’s the word that keeps rattling around in my brain.

I think life consists of a gradient between extreme ugliness and extreme beauty. This is one of example of extreme ugliness. At least one beautiful person (I don’t know the other two victims) was removed from this planet because of someone else’s ugliness. That ugliness killed three, but has hurt so many others too.

My aunt… Oh, how my heart goes out to her.

I was going to title this post “No Words.” I changed it, because it seems I found a few. But they are scattered. Like my thoughts. Like my emotions: sad, angry, confused, vulnerable.

Hug your loved ones. Send them a Facebook message. Write them a snail mail letter or card. Give them a call. Let them know you care about them. 

Because sometimes, shit like this happens.

You will be missed, Shanna. You already are.