I went on a date with 40 men last night!
Being a single lady (again) for Valentine’s Day, I decided to try my luck at finding love at a lock-and-key event.
I’ve gone to a couple of these in the past, and they were fun. I never met anyone who followed up with me after, but it was fun meeting with and talking to people. Back in January I decided I wasn’t going to be depressed about being single (again) for Valentine’s Day, so I signed up.
This event was at Hula Bay. I’d never been there before. It’s right on the water, tucked away beside a marina. They had us outside by the pool, which wasn’t ideal. Since it was only about 50 degrees, everyone was huddled by the heaters which were by the bar. This compacted the 80 attendees into a very narrow area, right next to the pool. We were joking about starting a pool for when someone would fall into the pool.
With it being so compacted, I felt a little more out of my element. I like to hang back and people watch for awhile. then go and make connections by getting my lock unlocked (the ice breaker of the party). There was no room for that (literally) in this environment. Connections seemed more forced. People were often just trying to open locks, and then they moved on without much conversation.
I did have a nice conversation with one gentleman. I gave him my information. We’ll see if I hear back.
Once 10:00 p.m. rolled around, the organizers held the raffle. (I didn’t win anything.). Some people stuck around and got food and more beverages in Hula Bay. I decided to stick around. I joined up with a nice group, and we talked a bit about our experiences.
It was a nice conversation, and two of the ladies at the table actually asked for my information because they are part of another Meetup group they thought I would fit in well with.
But at one point, the conversation took a dive for me. The conversation topic turned to our different ways of determining if someone is interested, and body language. For me, I indicate my interest by giving out my information. From previous experience at this type of event, I know that there have been guys I’ve been interested in that I meant to go back and talk to. But then they weren’t there anymore. Or they were engrossed in conversation, and I didn’t want to interrupt. I’d rather just give my information, and they have it if they want it.
But apparently, I send off less than appealing non-verbal signals. Or some misread the non-verbal signals I do send. One of the guys at the table mentioned this, and my positivity snapped.
I don’t have too much control over my non-verbal signals. When I’m in a large group of strangers, I do close up a bit. It takes me a bit to feel comfortable when there are so many people around. So to hear someone call me out (unintentionally) on those non-verbals I was likely sending out early in the night, or anytime I was feeling overwhelmed by the crowd felt … yucky.
I had been feeling good about the event and the people I met up to that point. I left feeling … yucky.
Self conscious, self doubting. There might have been tears after the event.
The guy didn’t mean to be hurtful, but what he said hit a soft spot. It is my worry that I unintentionally put up walls when I’m around, well, anyone who might be single and interested. Evidence has shown the walls can come down pretty quickly, but an outsider wouldn’t know that.
This was my third lock-and-key event. I don’t think I’ll be going back. In general I would recommend them to anyone looking for a fun time and looking to meet a lot of people. But I’m not getting what I need from them either.
And my Valentine’s Day plan backfired. Back in January, I thought the lock-and-key event would be just what I needed for this Valentine’s Day.
Go meet some new people, flirt with some cute guys.
It wasn’t. In hindsight I would have liked to stay home and work on my mosaic.
But, hindsight is 20/20, as they say.
So here I am, feeling vulnerable and a little sad on Valentine’s Day. This is my 6th Valentine’s Day single.
And when I say that, I mean that I haven’t had a relationship during those 6 years.
Sometimes it feels long. Today it feels long…
So, here’s my Valentine to me, and to anyone else who needs this particular message.
I know this is true. I know there will be someone who wants to get to know me, despite my foibles and walls. I’ve done some excellent work in taking down so many of those walls, but I might need some help with the rest. Whoever he is, he’ll be there to help me with them. And I with his…