Why’d I Go to Work Today?

I felt it coming on Tuesday. Scratchy throat, tired. I took some meds and went to bed around 10:00 hoping I’d feel better this morning.

I didn’t. My voice had gotten worse. But if I put in for a substitute teacher, I knew no one would come. Then my fellow teachers would be forced to either sit in my classes during their planning periods, or my students would be redistributed to other classes and probably not do anything. Plus I didn’t have any sub plans for the standards we are currently learning about. Just generic, emergency lessons that are more general review. None of this was ideal.

Since my Microbiology students were doing project presentations, I knew I wouldn’t have to talk much. Then I also had my A.P. Biology students who are pretty industrious. I thought I could make it through the day.

I did. Tomorrow I’m not. While my upper-classmen worked with me during class when I needed their attention, I know that my freshman (as a whole) will not.

“Please give me your attention in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1.” Usually they continue talking. “Clap your hands once if you can hear my voice!” Pause. “Clap your hands twice if you can hear my voice.” By now I normally have their attention. But for how long? I never have tracked how often I have to say this in my freshmen classes. More than I should have to. Then, of course, there’s answering questions about what I just said or about information that is on the instruction sheet. There’s trying to wake up the student(s) who insist on sleeping. There’s trying to coerce the student(s) who want to anything but learn about biology to do some work. Any work.

No, not having a voice with my freshmen just won’t do. I’d end up straining my voice to the point of losing it absolutely completely, as opposed to the harsh whisper I’m able to force out now.

I have the sick time, but I still feel the pressure of taking “too much time off work.” I’ve had to take a lot of time off for X-Rays, MRIs, physical therapy, other doctor appointments associated with the car accident I was in back in October. Mostly it hasn’t directly affected my students, because I’ve been able to take off during my planning period, which I have during the last block every other day. Another day on top of all of those others makes me feel … nervous. Guilty. Even though I do have a valid reason for every single one.

But the reality is I need to take care of myself so I can take care of them. I know I’ve been feeling the strain of … well … something. My cussing filter got a few holes. I try very hard not to cuss around my students, so as to model good behavior. But I’m human. I’ve had a few slips in the past few days. My patience shortens when I’m sick, and the snappy comeback to student complaining slipped out… Considering how many f-bombs fly around, I’m pretty sure they barely noticed. But I need to do better for them. They don’t deserve my bad language because my guard is down.

So tomorrow I’ll sleep in, drink a lot of fluids. If the odds are in my and my colleagues’ favor, the substitute will show up and give the work I assigned. Maybe my students will even do it!

Hopefully I’ll be back Friday, but if I can’t talk, well… Teaching is one of those jobs that you have to do that quite a lot. I’ll see how it goes.